So Bitterly Sweet

Moving to Korea was something that I had truly yearned and worked very hard to accomplish. Ever since I have been a teenager I have had the urge to travel the world and see as many sites, partake in as many cultures, and be engaged in experiences creating memories for lifetime. I eagerly took the opportunity to come to my new home in Korea with no hesitation, even though I knew I would be leaving behind everything and everyone that I knew. This decision, although easy at the time, became complicated in my finals days living in the U.S 3.5 months ago because my brother and his girlfriend of 8 years announced their engagement and that they would get married while I was living in Korea. We all talked it over and came to the conclusion that it was OK that I continue on my life path just as they were going to coninue on theirs. There has never been any hard feelings for me leaving for Korea knowing that I would not be there on their wedding day. This past weekend, on June 2nd, my brother married his fiance and she became more than just a good friend to me...she is now my sister.


I spoke with the two of them the night before the wedding and we had a good long talk. We all understand that it was impossible for my to come. I have since seen photos of the wedding that I missed and have heard stories of how beautiful every was. I have also done a lot of reflecting on myself and my choice to miss their special day...and although I know they do not hold any hard feelings towards me, I amd finding myself feeling incredibly guilty. Guilty that I chose my life course over theirs. Guilty that I couldn't be  groomsman, make a special wedding toast, dance the night away, and even guilty that the rest of the family could not experience the wedding as a 'whole' family. the entire weekend and following Monday I felt selfish and for the first time since moving to Korea- I was homesick like nobody's business.  However thanks to a chat with my mother, and two veryh good friend here in Korea, I realize that I can't take back time or choices made and I will forever remind myself that I can just move forward and see them for years to come. On friend said the exact thing that has made me realize that everything is OK. He told me "While they celebrated a big event in their lives that you wish you could be a part of, you are experiencing your own life's events that they wish they could share with you". 

I decided not to stay blue and took the opportunity during the weekend of their wedding to do some more living here in Korea.

The Friday before the wedding Friday I went out with a few of my friends for Greek food in Itaewon, the foreingers district in Seoul. This was the first time that I had ever really eaten Greek food other than street vendors selling sub-par meat wraps. It was very delicious and thanks to the wine, I felt very content.
 The following day (the night before the wedding/the actual wedding) My friends and I went to Hongdae for a late night dinner of Samgapsal (bbq) and soju. It was a lot of fun and due to Hongdae being one of the largest university towns in Korea it felt like I was back in Champaign Illinois out at UofI bars/clubs. After the dinner we had dinner, drinks, the 4 of us went to a few different dance clubs and I had the time of my life. I had not danced that much and with that many strangers since my first month in Korea. the clubs were playing K-Pop, America top 100's, and popular remixes everyone is familiar with. It was a a very happy time for me-dancing the night away.
I got home at about 4 a.m. on Saturday night...which was an hour before the actual wedding. I fell asleep quickly, but woke up the next morning and immediately thinking "right now it is the wedding reception".
 Luckily I had already made plans for my sunday which were really fun and distracted me from guilt tripping myself for missing the wedding. My good friend      Nicola, myself, and 2 other friends went to a pro korean baseball game in Seoul. It was SOOOO much fun!!! The game lasted about 4 hours only because the "pros" are far from the pro's we are used to in the states. The pitches were slow and many runs were made...which is not how professionals should be playing. But the atmosphere was so nice, everyone was cheering regardless of which team was winning. the fans were there just to have a good time and watch a ball game. They were all so happy and energetic. The stadium food was a little different, which was an experience. they of course were selling ice cream, bear, cotton candy, and fast food. However..unlike American baseball games, I could also purchase sushi rolls, Dokboki (spicy rice cakes), dried fish, and more fried chicken than I think I have ever seen in one place! It was a very nice day all and all and I am looking forward to more summer days spent with good friends.

So it appears that although the brief feeling of homesickness has since laid itself to rest for the time being. I'm sure it may return again during holidays and important events back in the U.S. However, I also know now that I am living MY  life and just like I am missing my friends and family, they are also missing me and wishing they could be here as well. There will again be a time when we can all be near and experience life together- but for now I am experiencing my life, in this moment, in my new home. And I'm LOVING it!